[How to face the bad emotions of a lover]
In the face of the bad emotional shock of your lover, how will you resolve your emotions, how to help each other, and help each other out of negative emotional interactions?
When you prepare dinner for your family, after an hour or two of busyness, everything is ready, but the lover pushes the door with a look of bias; when you are happily and anxiously, you rush to the mall you have agreed with, but inWhen he saw him at the door, he was annoyed and asked “how did you come?”
“In the face of these emotional shocks, how do you resolve your emotions, how do you help each other, and help each other out of negative emotional interactions?
There is a saying in deep psychology: Subconsciously, partners need to deal with negative emotional experiences.
This sentence can be understood from two aspects: merger, is your own potential landscape, looking for an “ideal object” that can carry your desire and understanding of the family. He / she may even be like some parents in his or her original family.A member of.
But in the new intimate relationship, there must be some special things, which are very dissatisfied and eager for the other party to change.
With some personality traits and habits related to each other, I try to make myself no longer feel unbearable in the original family.
On the other hand, being the partner and lover of each other, some aspects are playing the role of the cistern of each other’s emotions.
The other party ‘s emotions are too turbulent, and you need to temporarily “hold water” for the other party. When the other party ‘s emotions are numb and there is no freshness, you need to inject “live water” for the other party to interact with each other.
This role becomes a mission, a manifestation of essence.
In this way, the two states are not so easy, so when the other party or each other’s interaction is in a bad mood, the bearers of the emotion should pay attention to it, and then they can achieve the regulation of the emotion and the metabolism of the negative emotional experience.How about it?
British psychologist Winnicott proposed a theory: rebuilding the “enclosing environment” in interpersonal interactions will help the healing and growth of the mind.
The general idea is that when a person who is in emotional frustration and needs help can encounter emotional support, understand, and try to vent his emotions and regulate interpersonal relationships with this temporarily “childish” person, he can give tolerance and care, then this personThrough reduced adjustments, you will come out of worry, depression, and anger, and your soul will grow through the care of this environment.
This environment is called an ambient environment.
This view of Winnicott is widely used in the areas of regional psychological counseling, children’s education, medical care, and even business negotiation.
Because from practice, it has been found that the implementation of an ambitious environment does not require high construction costs and does not require a particularly complex training background.
So if it is applied to the family, what needs to be done in the intimate relationship in order to have the characteristics of “holding” and become an holding environment?